Jenny's Thoughts Living and Business.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


 There was water every where here, small creeks and collections running through the rocks.  The last time I was here the walking track  went between these rocks, but this time we had to walk over the tree to the right. 
The original walking track under water.

This creek running full of life.

The look out



This creek ran dominated the base at the bake of the rocks.
This area was so silent, just the wind and birds could be heard.

Vast plant life along the creek.

This area sat at the bottom of the valley and side walls.

Small bridges protect the vegetation and the people.

A view back from the look out.

More beauty.

This is the view of the walk from a distance. 

On the way in.

The map of the walks through Kataju

Life at Ularu

Me trying to keep my camera and me dry.  
Ularu September 2010 under cloud

I am finally finding the time to post some photos on my blog, “the other blog that is”, so am really happy to be doing that.  There are so many aspects to life that make it interesting and walking around Ularu and through Katajuta is one of those special things I have loved, twice now.  

Once in really hot weather when everything was a lot dryer and now in the rain, with water and life in abundance. 

The rock is a special place for me, I absolutely love it.  I will go back again for sure.  This time the weather was so cold and cloudy, getting pictures of the famous sun rises and sun sets didn’t happen, but the colors of the rock when water fell on it in different light were amazing.
As far as my weight is concerned, it is on its way down again.  Already lost 1kg and am loving the exercise.  

I have been spending less time in the gym and more time outside, now that the weather is changing.  I am loving the beach, walking a jogging on it is so rewarding and I feel great.  I am lucky enough to live just 4min drive from it or a 20 walk and at this time of the year it feels so healthy breathing in the beautiful see air. 

More on the exercise later, I am going to step it up this week, I feel the need to get the mind set really on the path.  Up to now I have allowed myself to take a little holiday from my major commitments and routine, having had my first set of nights in the past few days.  I have been in denial about the work commitment because I am a little burnt out, and it has affected my commitment to me in many ways.  One of the coping skills I developed in the past was to curl up and do nothing, which seemed to make me feel better, but it doesn’t anymore.  I do need recovery time sometimes, which I take, but I don’t allow it to take over for long.  Now its back on track, get into the plan.

 Water running down and collecting
Magnificent example of life.

 This is at the back of the rock, can be what you make it, but I see a face...
Add caption
 So beautiful, I love walking around here, it changes at every turn.
Some of the plant life.
A world of its own.
The sun shining on the wet rock makes it look like snow.  
KataJuta under cloud.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Central Australia, Ularu and Katajuta in the rain.

This is a picture taken of Ularu (Ayres Rock) under a rain cloud.  It was awsome to see it during the rain.  So much water collects around the base and it changes color depending on how much sun gets through.

Absolutely amazing colors the rock takes on in the rain.   Looks fantastic close up. 

 So much water at the bottom of the rock.

It only took a light shower to create many streams of running water to run down into many places that became small pools or water beds.   The tadpoles were quite large, some pictured in the photo above.  Such life in abundance,  an amazing place in all seasons.


Sunday, August 29, 2010

Support comes in many forms.

That was yesterday, this is today!  Thank goodness the sun comes up every day and a new energy begins, even when it’s raining….  I’m not going to blame anything apart from the fact that I reacted to my feelings of loneliness, insignificance, undervalued, invisible and probably some others in the same field.  These feelings go deep, which I knew, but didn’t have the energy or the right support at just the right time to get me past the pity party I was having.  As a result a little bit of sabotage set in.  It’s a pattern I can see in me now that I intend to change when I feel it happen again, which I’m sure it will, I’m not immune.

The thing that helped was seeing Mish’s Wednesday video.  I forgot all about it so caught up with it as I do when I can.  I listened and wished I had heard that the day before on the Tuesday.  I felt really weak and stupid for giving in to my sad sack and trying to make it feel better with old habits.  I realised I am placing far too much emphasis on getting to that goal of 60 kg by the end of this program.  This is not just about that goal, its about my mind set and the rest of my life.  Every single day of the rest of my life.

Last night I went to a farewell dinner for one of my work colleges and I got dressed up.  I wore my jeans tucked into my boots, a dressy singlet top under a shear loose top, put make up on, had my hair done at the hair dressers last week so it was easy to do and had been to the dentist that morning, so my teeth even felt younger…... and I felt hot…... I felt confident and happy and present in the moment.  I laughed with my friends and accepted their compliments gracefully.  Good medicine to cure old sad sack. 

I love planning what exercise I will be doing, I love getting out on my bike, I love the challenges I feel at RPM, I love learning to swim now, I love talking to like minded people (total strangers at times !) I love feeling my body do things it hasn’t done for a long, long time, I love feeling younger….yes younger…. which is what I wanted to feel and I love looking forward to future goals. 

I am planning a trek to Tibet or Sth. America for next year to combine my fitness with travel and my need to take photos.  I am so looking forward to my walk around Uluru before I return home after the 12wbt party.  This is what life is about now, living and doing what I think about, instead of just living in my head all alone on the couch…....

I have realised it is quite alright for me to set my goal weight between 60kg and 62kg.  This is very manageable for me for the long term and remaining fit will give me the opportunity to walk through the spiritual places in the world and in Australia that I want to experience.

It’s all good.



The sad sack emotion has taken its toll on me today.  I don’t really know were the energy went, but by the time I left work I really felt I needed recovery time and craved a suitable explanation for the lack of loss this week and I craved the need for recognition for the hard work I had done.  I took some chocolates from work that were given as a thank you from one of our patients and ate them when I got home.  I enjoyed them because they represented reward, part of what I craved.  I haven’t done that since before this program.  Then once home I felt so exhausted I went to sleep instead of going to the gym.

  I didn’t put the effort in because I really didn’t believe it would help me in any way at all, especially after this weeks results.  Then after my calorie controlled diner, I thawed some banana bread and had it with strawberries and yogurt.  I wasn’t hungry, I knew I was feeding the emotional need.  I ended up throwing some away because I got full quickly.  It was as if that full feeling represented what I thought I needed, but all it did was make me think how unnecessary it was to eat cake and how I needed to look for other ways to help deal with the those feelings that a lack of reward for hard work brings.

I think maybe I felt that if the same thing happens this week, I will be able to point to the bad behavior as the cause and therefore will somehow I feel better.  It’s just not easy knowing I worked so hard with no positive result.

I do know I do care about my health and progress and I do know now that I need to see a measurable goal to help me remain motivated and positive and to assist me to not go back to old habits.

I know I will have to start again tomorrow morning on my mental attitude and find some other ways to deal with the negativity of feeling unrewarded and invisible when goals are not met.


Sad Sack

Today I am completely disillusioned with how my body works.  I didn’t lose anything this week and I am having trouble getting my head around it.  I haven’t deviated from the menu at all, even having that lentil and beetroot salad that I’m not really keen on to stay true to the cause.  The exercise regime over the past 6 days since last Wednesday has been really good, with 2 triathlons, both using 1100cal +, 2 days of 750 and 800 cal, and 2 days of 300cals, total 4350.  This is good for me with my available time and I had a migraine on Monday, which ended up being my day off exercise.  I just don’t get it and now I am beginning to worry about how I will maintain a stable weight if I can’t get rid of the last 1.2 kg when putting everything I have into it.

It took me until week 7 to work on the mind power to get into this 100%, with exercise and diet together, now things are going slower than they did in the first few weeks.  This is not good, if I could see a reason for it I would have something to work on, but I don’t know what to change to make it move apart from taking a week off work and staying in the gym all day, which is not an option.

I just feel sad sackie today.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

What's normal

After reading what some of the members of 12WBT are achieving on the thread NEW smash it up challenge, it made me wonder if burning 1000cal or over a day is healthy.  I do realise this is a challenge the girls have decided to do for this week, (I think) and of course we are close to the end of this program, so they are really pushing themselves. 

I thought about what I have been achieving and how hard I have to work to burn 300calories. The triathlon I did on Monday took just over 2 hours and my calorie output was about 900.  These girls are burning way over 1000 calories in less time, but obviously putting in more effort.  

One said she had an average heart of 157 and burned 1002 calories in 90min.  My God their muscles must be in good nick to work that well and burn that fuel in that time.  I find all that supper human stuff a little scary and I do wonder what is normal, for a normal person living a normal life.  That is incorporating work, family,relationships, study, illness and all that day to day stuff that we give our time to.  

Today I had to go to work for 3.5 hours in the morning on my day off for an education session and felt my day had been a bit ruined by it.  I like using my days off to plan longer exercise sessions because I can only get short ones in when I’m at work.  I came home tired, probably from boardom, started to do some work on the computer (another part of my life) and before I knew it was having a Nanna nap.  I woke up at 1530 after sleeping for about 2 hours and panicked because the day was running away.  Going to the gym before it got too busy was the best thing to do, so I was there by 1550 and decided to test myself by working toward another triathlon and succeeded.  

I started with the treadmill to do the 5km which I did.  I can’t get to do any running until I have done a minimum of 10min fast walking or else my legs just scream with pain on and off for ages and running gets harder.  So, after the first 10min of walking, I started the 5min on, 5min off jog/run/walk.  I can manage those 5mins of running psychologically well, the timing really helps me stay on track and keeps that negative talk away.  As I went through it I was able to put the running speed up to 8.7 which is a real first for me.  I have never gone past 7.4, so I am feeling the progress and wanting more than anything to become stronger.  

Then I went to the pool, I am really loving the pool now, I am finding it very calming, a stress reliever for me.  It’s slower, but at the same time I am able to think about technique that I can practice to perfect.  I have bought one of those swimming boys, or peanuts to hold between my thighs to improve balance and coordination.  Also, I now have a swimming cap so I don’t get water in my ears anymore and I have also spent some time on u-tube watching “how to swim videos” and have discovered many things to practice.  

So today the focus started on technique and it made it both easier and harder at the same time.  I left my heart rate monitor on today, because I haven’t really known for sure what I burn in the pool.  The 1000mts went by in less than 40min which was a pleasure. 

Then I changed and went back to gym clothes and was off to the 1800 RPM class.  By then I found it hard, but I love the challenge RPM gives me, so by the end of it I was very, very pleased that I decided to do it. 

The total calories used 1146.  It took 2 1/2 hours for this, time I was glad to spend on challenging myself.  I would love to have that time every day, but I don’t.  So I am going to make the effort and start doing 2 short sessions per day on work days.  One in my morning or afternoon before or after work (as I do now) and the other at a 20-30 min time slot to improve strength.  

This is how I will want my life to be after the 12wbt is over.  I don’t want to set myself up for a return to old habits by going at it so hard that I begin to hate it.  I love it now.  


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Swimming Lesson

Today in a brand new day, or at least it is 2250 WA time at the end of today..  I am back at work since yesterday and at first I really felt the urgency that having reduced time for personal things does to one’s mind.  

Yesterday I started at 1300 so I had the morning which I would have loved to spent on my exercise,  But, I had an early overseas phone call that was booked and then had bills to pay, other phone calls to make and prepare food for the day and get ready for work.  So, Michelle’s DVD did the trick.  It made a difference to how I felt when I got to work knowing I showed up for me at home.  

It was raining yesterday and today, so no outside stuff at all.  I started this morning at 0700, so got up 10 min earlier, “only to pack my gym bag for anything”.  Then at the end of the shift stood talking to myself out loud about it I would go home first or go straight to the gym.  One of my colleges heard me and told me she was in the same mind.  That did it, I knew if I went home I wouldn’t do it, so the gym it was.  I decided when I got there to do my swim, another 1000mts, I thought I was too tired for anything else.  It was a busy time at the pool and there was only one slow lane, being used by 3 of us.  I hated it because I couldn’t go at my pace and kept loosing my breath when I swam past someone going the other way because of the waves.  

I was going to give up, but thought   NO just do something to improve it.  So, I moved into a fast lane that had one man in it who looked fairly driven on his mission and asked if he minded if I share his lane.  He said sure, I can swim around you, and he did hardly causing a ripple.  I felt as though I had stepped up in the world!  After a while when we were both taking a breather, he asked me if I would mind if he gave me some swimming tips.  He used to be a triathlon guru, but had a severe accident several years ago and is now just training to maintain his movement and flexibility.  

I agreed and after a few lesson tips and the use of some of his training equipment over a few laps, I could really see a lot of room for improvement.  Now I have a new goal, to improve my swimming technique, not just my stamina.  I have never had a formal swimming lesson in my life and now I feel like I might just learn to do it right.  Thank you to the kind fast swimmer who got so much pleasure out of sharing his with me.  

Then I went to the spar for a wind down, and by the time I got out I realised it was only 20min before I could go to the RPM class, so I got changed into my other gear (boy the clothes changing thing can many in one day sometimes).  I had my banana and a coffee and wound down watching everyone else swim, then went to RPM.  I didn’t get home until 1900 and then had dinner.  My body is really aware of the work that has been done, but I feel good.  Just turning up is the best advice ever, you never know what will happen. 

Now I’m off to sleep because I’m on call tonight and I don’t want to push my luck.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Bush Walk at Wellington Dam

Map of our walk at Wellington Dam.
 This is a picture of the map of the bush walk we did today.  We started at Wellington dam kiosk, followed the yellow line until it met the blue/purple line, turned left to the green line, then turned right and followed the green line to honeymoon pool.  On our return back we just followed the green line all the way.  12 km in total with a good share of ups and
A view of our path for a moment.
downs of different grades, in really beautiful Australian bush.  I felt muscles working that I don't feel doing other things, so this walk was a new spice in the life of exercise.  

It took us 4 hours and 14 minutes and we stopped for lunch and photo shots and to take in the scenery. 
Collie Hills.
A swimming location
The bush
 The next set of photos were taken from the path along the way with the Collie hills behind us.  There is something very therapeutic walking through the bush, it was damp, cool and smelt so earthy.  By the time we made it to the Collie river the sound of the water added to the magic.   I am so glad I had this weekend off, the first in a long time.  

The ups and downs.
The river.
My friend and I felt if we can manage one big out door event once a week, we will give our selves something to look forward to and add to making life more interesting.  I once thought it would just take up too much time,  I am always saying I have so much to do, but  I am still getting everything else done, and being rewarded  surrounded by such beauty, in a place that allows all the negativity of routine life to disappear.  
Beauty around every corner.

Other humans loving it as well!
This week I have managed to exercise 4 out of the 4 days and I already have tomorrow planned.  This will be the first week I will exercise  for the entire 6 days, what a difference making a promise to myself has made.    I haven't worn my heart rate monitor all week until today,  but I was curious to know what value a bush walk would have.   946 calories.  Quite a number for a great walk. 
Me at the end of the walk
I am becoming far more content with the rhythm of it all now, only weighing myself twice a week, (still one too many) and trusting the value of the exercise I do.   I would like to know the calorie value of the swimming though.   The more I familiarize myself with the values of what I put in and what I put out, the easier it gets.  So all in all, the variety  and the nowledge is making it easier and I will muster support where ever I can.............

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Paying for the sins of the past.

I will be pouring my heart out in this one, but its part of this journey.
I have an estranged relationship with my eldest daughter, which began just before my 53rd Birthday.    I wasn’t sure then what caused the rift, but have since learned that she is rejecting me to protect herself from the angry me.  

While I was living through the confusion of it in the beginning I tried to communicate with her about it through letters or emails, because she wouldn’t talk to me by phone or in person, but as reality has it, I just made the problem worse by saying things she perceived as being even more damaging.  Her responses to me, when I got them, were always very harsh and cruel, so I stopped trying.      She is the mother of my only Grand child who is now 8, who I adore.     Her and I had a really good relationship until this began.  The visits I have had with her have been few and far between and painful.  When I am allowed to pick her up, I have to park the car at the end of the driveway and my Granddaughter is sent out to meet me so her mother, my daughter doesn’t see me.  Dropping her home is the same.  She is at an age now that all this will cause so much damage.  She has heard things that her mother has said to her friends that have left her confused and unhappy and over time it has become so hard for her and I to be happy.    

I decided to try once again a few days ago to communicate with my daughter by sending her a simple message that said I was sorry for the pain I had caused her.
She replied with the most hurtful comments I have received to date.  I read it last night and was devastated.    No matter how hard I tried not to cry, I couldn’t stop it, I ended up sobbing half the night and today my eyes are so swollen I look like I’ve been in a fight and I feel like the life has drained right out of me.  I have to accept the fact that life is hard, that I don't have the answers and that I am always learning.  

Normally I would go to that dark, depressed place that I have been fighting to get out of for over 20 years, but today I thought of the healing I have done over the years and how far I have come and of my 3 other forgiving children, who I will spend Christmas with.  I got up at 1200, have had breakfast am sitting here now in my PJ’s, still tears flowing, but this afternoon I will plan my meals for today and tomorrow, as I start night duty tonight, go to my RPM class at 1800 and put into it what my body and mind will allow, go to work and do a good job caring for the mums with new babies and hopefully something humorous will happen to make me laugh before tomorrow morning.  

I am a good person with a past that is behind me.   Not just the perceived past of my daughters, but of a past that began long before that, of anger, an alcoholic abuse parent, violence, mistrust, guilt and  many things that took a long time to learn to live with and put where they belonged.    

I  love my children very much, all of them, they are so magical  and there is so much they have taught me, which I am so grateful for.  I made a promise to myself to live and learn and to forgive.  

  All the counseling I have had  in the past has helped in many ways, but has still left me responding to the pressures of life in ways that don't help any one.    This just leaves me even more empty, because I am so aware of it.   I am not looking for pity, my life is real, what has happened is real, but I'm not locked into the past.     I have been working very hard to evolve and improve throughout my entire life.     Now I  have permission to really focus on me and how I want to live, which is so positive for my mind, body and soul.  

So I will be there at that class tonight in my upside down world.  I never would have thought that a diet and exercise program would assist in healing my depression and assist my ability to deal with devastation and grief in such a dynamic way. 


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Feeling really good now.

August 3rd.

I am feeling good now.  I have just gone through all my blogs from my site and entered them in this forum, now I have figured out how to put them all together and to find them..   I can't believe how I have changed over these few weeks.  I am so excited at work, it's becoming contagious.   Some of the other mature girls from work were at the fun run on Sunday and were all talking about how they felt today.  We were like excited kids comparing our achievements, with one talking about how she went home and did 3 hours of whipper snipping in her garden (large property) and another went to her music recital for her teacher's 89th Birthday.   She is learning the violin and it was her 51st Birthday today.   Everyone else who isn't part of it were all joining in with very positive things to say.   I was one of the oldest ones in the group, so I felt fabulous, knowing I am making this effort, especially when very hansom young student doctors join in with the excitement of talk about keeping healthy.   We ended up making plans to post events we are planning to do on our tea room notice board and inviting anyone wanting to join in to come along. 
I have worked there for 11 years and this is the first time, we, as a group of people who all live very different lives, have been so together and wanting to share activities.   And its all about staying healthy, I just can't believe it.   I am overwhelmed by it all.   Now I am really motivated to start the process by posting the first event.   I'm working a night duty tomorrow night, so I will work on it tomorrow and post it when I get there.   I can't wait to see the response.....I feel like I just can't stop being excited about my progress.  A weight has been lifted for me...  I feel free...

It made it easy to go to the gym from work today.   I am beginning to see shape in my shoulders.... me.... with shape....

What fun

Monday, August 2, 2010

Swimming training.

I went swimming tonight as I had planned.  It was really busy down there with almost all the lanes taken up with training and only one lane designated for us slow pokes.   Normally this would put me off with all sorts of "not being good enouth thoughts", but I was there so I got bold and used a lane for the trainees that was empty.  I managed to get half way through when the ropes near me were taken away for the water aerobics class.   I moved to the slow pokes lane but wasn't put off sharing it with five others by then because I was warmed up and focused on my rhythm.   

I managed to do 20 lengths of the pool with breathers in between each one, having only achieved 12 a week ago.   My ankles were happy to have a rest from running training and my arms were glad for the work out.   My lungs are improving and I can't wait until I can do several lengths without needing that breather.  I am going to be ready for the mini triathlon in November, no matter how slow I am.  Just being there and being part of it is important to me now.    


Sunday, August 1, 2010

Great Day

Hello: me in Busselton taking in the view while on the bike ride.

Well today was a great day.  The first of August and my first 5km fun run which I loved.  I was so excited about it, it was easy to get up when the alarm went off and getting to the starting point to meet the girls from work by 0730.   It was cold but fresh and there were about 400 entrants with their friends and families all busy buzzing around waiting for the start.   I wish I had taken my camera with me, it was a beautiful winters morning, but it would have been a bit cumbersome.  
I had been a bit concerned about the run because my training had resulted in an injury to my Achillies tendon, causing me to train less in the past week and become very protective of it.  But on the day I was able to run further than I have ever before.  I think I did it in 40minutes, but don't have the official time, still waiting for it to be posted.  
Our Bikes.
On our way along the coast.
Then after the official announcements it was off to breakfast then home to pack the car and off again to Busselton for another bike ride.  The weather was great today, sunny with a cool wind.  

We ended up riding the entire track along the beach plus a bit, totaling 36km.   By the end of all the activity my heart rate monitor had calculated 1034 cal consumption.  I was stoked.  It was a day of fun and achievements, not just exercise and now we are motivated to plan other activities that turn a few hours into a beautiful day.   

The flowers think it's spring.
Here are some photos taken today in Busselton.
So Beautiful
Sharing the view.