Support comes in many forms.

That was yesterday, this is today!  Thank goodness the sun comes up every day and a new energy begins, even when it’s raining….  I’m not going to blame anything apart from the fact that I reacted to my feelings of loneliness, insignificance, undervalued, invisible and probably some others in the same field.  These feelings go deep, which I knew, but didn’t have the energy or the right support at just the right time to get me past the pity party I was having.  As a result a little bit of sabotage set in.  It’s a pattern I can see in me now that I intend to change when I feel it happen again, which I’m sure it will, I’m not immune.

The thing that helped was seeing Mish’s Wednesday video.  I forgot all about it so caught up with it as I do when I can.  I listened and wished I had heard that the day before on the Tuesday.  I felt really weak and stupid for giving in to my sad sack and trying to make it feel better with old habits.  I realised I am placing far too much emphasis on getting to that goal of 60 kg by the end of this program.  This is not just about that goal, its about my mind set and the rest of my life.  Every single day of the rest of my life.

Last night I went to a farewell dinner for one of my work colleges and I got dressed up.  I wore my jeans tucked into my boots, a dressy singlet top under a shear loose top, put make up on, had my hair done at the hair dressers last week so it was easy to do and had been to the dentist that morning, so my teeth even felt younger…... and I felt hot…... I felt confident and happy and present in the moment.  I laughed with my friends and accepted their compliments gracefully.  Good medicine to cure old sad sack. 

I love planning what exercise I will be doing, I love getting out on my bike, I love the challenges I feel at RPM, I love learning to swim now, I love talking to like minded people (total strangers at times !) I love feeling my body do things it hasn’t done for a long, long time, I love feeling younger….yes younger…. which is what I wanted to feel and I love looking forward to future goals. 

I am planning a trek to Tibet or Sth. America for next year to combine my fitness with travel and my need to take photos.  I am so looking forward to my walk around Uluru before I return home after the 12wbt party.  This is what life is about now, living and doing what I think about, instead of just living in my head all alone on the couch…....

I have realised it is quite alright for me to set my goal weight between 60kg and 62kg.  This is very manageable for me for the long term and remaining fit will give me the opportunity to walk through the spiritual places in the world and in Australia that I want to experience.

It’s all good.

Jenny