Emotions

The sad sack emotion has taken its toll on me today.  I don’t really know were the energy went, but by the time I left work I really felt I needed recovery time and craved a suitable explanation for the lack of loss this week and I craved the need for recognition for the hard work I had done.  I took some chocolates from work that were given as a thank you from one of our patients and ate them when I got home.  I enjoyed them because they represented reward, part of what I craved.  I haven’t done that since before this program.  Then once home I felt so exhausted I went to sleep instead of going to the gym.

  I didn’t put the effort in because I really didn’t believe it would help me in any way at all, especially after this weeks results.  Then after my calorie controlled diner, I thawed some banana bread and had it with strawberries and yogurt.  I wasn’t hungry, I knew I was feeding the emotional need.  I ended up throwing some away because I got full quickly.  It was as if that full feeling represented what I thought I needed, but all it did was make me think how unnecessary it was to eat cake and how I needed to look for other ways to help deal with the those feelings that a lack of reward for hard work brings.

I think maybe I felt that if the same thing happens this week, I will be able to point to the bad behavior as the cause and therefore will somehow I feel better.  It’s just not easy knowing I worked so hard with no positive result.

I do know I do care about my health and progress and I do know now that I need to see a measurable goal to help me remain motivated and positive and to assist me to not go back to old habits.

I know I will have to start again tomorrow morning on my mental attitude and find some other ways to deal with the negativity of feeling unrewarded and invisible when goals are not met.

Jenny